What to eat after crying on the subway

Why is it that people come to New York? Is it the pull of some kind of aesthetic life, the Brooklyn brownstone, sitting on the stoop, watching as leaves turn from green to orange and fall, dusting the avenue with crisp foilage crunching underfoot? (This was my reason for going, alone, in the summer of 2016, but did not in any way reflect my experience of living there for three lonely months - not least because it was summer, not autumn).

Maybe it’s the idea of a more glamorous life, the high-flyer in the monochrome bar, hustling their way through the city as they rush down the sidewalk, sunglasses on, airpods in, iced latte in-hand?

Is it for the convenience culture, being able to get whatever you want and get it right now, only ever one DoorDash or Amazon Prime order away, and look - here’s something else you didn’t know you needed? Is it to help your wallet feel a little lighter, your bank account less encumbured by the numbers that make up your balance?

Or is it to marvel at the fact that, in a city of 8.48 million people, it is often when we are surrounded by others that we feel most alone? To build up your resilience against a backdrop of impassive faces and worn-out greetings (can I help you, ma’am?)? Perhaps it’s to make you long for the warmth of a genuine smile, so that you know to appreciate it the next time someone actually looks you in the eye and, without wanting anything from you, greets you ‘hello’.

In any case, if you find yourself in New York and you’re having a bad morning and the coldness of the person on the other side of the coffee counter finally pushes you past your breaking point, rest assured that someone crying in the corner of a subway car won’t even make the list of the strangest things people will have seen that day.

After crying on the subway, eat an everything bagel with scallion cream cheese.

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Postscript.

Many people are passionate in their love and admiration for New York City and have found a strong sense of community there. That was not my experience, and that’s okay - New York is not my place. For the record - the people who sold me the bagel were very friendly.